Crunches

“Sir, what are you looking at?”

VIS007 was a very curious robot. It wanted to know why its master was looking at his belly in the mirror. Sapta raised his shirt, squeezed his waist with the palms of both his hands, cupped the belly till the skin bulged.

“You see this?”

“Yes, master. That’s your stomach.”

“No VIS007, that’s fat. Fat that needs to be burned. A paunch on a thin guy looks unattractive.”

“Sir, you have a good heart. That’s all that really matters.”

Sapta looked oddly at his robot. Then he realized that nowadays the robots were programmed in such a manner so as not to hurt any human’s sentiments, even unwittingly. Knowledge of all puns, innuendoes, racial slurs, gender-related abuses had been incorporated within them, so that these literal-minded automatons don’t use them, even innocently. Historical data on humanity helped them identify situations where their masters felt a deep inferiority complex, and they were equipped to give an appropriate response whenever the occasion arose. Human beings are touchy, they get easily offended.

“I need to go to gym. I need to transfer the fat from my stomach to my biceps. That would really look nice on me.” For a moment, Sapta was lost in blissful thought.

“Can I also come along with you, sir? I believe that I am too thin myself. I could also do with a bit of exercise.”

That shook Sapta out of his reverie. Sometimes he wasn’t sure that VIS007 was a robot. When he bought VIS007, he chose ‘Curiosity’ as his demeanor. So right now, he had hard time telling whether VIS007 was faking it. These robots had no difficulty in acing the Turing test.

Sapta smiled and looked at VIS007’s tough, composite frame. The robot was never going to put on any weight, or get a sculpted figure.

It will stay like this till it rusts.

“Sure, why not?!”

***

To have a robot for a gym partner was an extremely bad idea, Sapta thought bitterly. Though VIS007 was laboriously slow at doing burpees, he had absolutely no difficulty in pumping weights (quite heavier than he could manage), working the upper-body and lower-body machines with ease, and of course – running on treadmill without breaking a sweat. It was also very good at push-ups and pull-ups (the gym instructor was worried to see the robot doing pull-ups, he thought that it would bring the entire structure down). Though rationally he knew that he could never compete with a robot, psychologically – he was aggrieved. It was simply better than him at absolutely everything.

His whole body was burning near the end of the session. VIS007 was showing no signs of fatigue.

“Both of you do crunches, 3 sets of 15,” the instructor commanded grimly. Sapta noticed the disdain showered at his robot by the gym instructor. The guy was plain worried about his instruments being damaged by this hunk of metal.

Sapta groaned internally and rested on his back on the mat to take position for the exercise. VIS007 internalized a YouTube video on his memory bank on ‘How to do crunches?’ and lay down to do the same.

“1…..2…….3……4….” Sapta huffed and puffed as he went along. Breathe in. Breathe out. His belly was warming up.

“12…..13….14….15,” With a sigh he let go and closed his eyes. His stomach was positively on fire. It took him some time to notice that he has heard no clanging of metal against metal besides him when he was doing the first set. He looked at VIS007, it lay prone on the mat.

“Are you alright VIS007?”

It didn’t reply immediately (odd!). It had placed its hands behind the head. It strained to raise itself up, while pinning his metallic butt and lower back on the ground. But it failed miserably. It just couldn’t bend his back.

“VIS007, you needn’t do this exercise. You can’t manage curves, you have a rigid body,” Sapta said with concern, though he was gratified and relieved. Finally, he was better than VIS007 at something!

But the robot didn’t give up (odder!). The robot still tried. With a jerk, he sat upright at 90 degrees. He was lost in thought for a minute, then he looked at Sapta and said, “That wasn’t correct. I need to try once again.”

Before Sapta could say anything, it again took the horizontal position to do the crunches. It bent its knees, and its hands behind the head and strained like hell.

The robot didn’t grunt with strain like other humans normally do. But a slight tremor passed its body. Sapta was worried.

“VIS007, I order you to stop.”

The robot didn’t (oddest!). A wisp of smoke escaped from the metallic butt.

“STOP VIS007. IT IS MY ORDER!” Sapta said, quite loudly.

The robot stopped straining. It labored to stand upright, and when it did – it looked at Sapta with bitter disappointment.

“I failed, master!”

***

Six months had passed since that incident. Sapta was inspecting himself in the mirror, and was quite pleased. The belly had flattened, he looked muscular. Though a far cry from a perfectly chiseled body, he was happy with the progress. VIS007 also looked at itself in the mirror. It was unhappy. His metal arms didn’t bulge out like his master’s.

Sapta was greatly concerned about his robot. It was now looking at its reflection in the mirror all the time. VIS007 was becoming extremely vain. Just like a human!

Then the bell rang and he forgot all about it.

“Quick VIS007, how do I look?”

“You are looking quite handsome, master,” the robot said wistfully (or so Sapta thought!).

The lady in question also looked at him with approval. The date went quite well, he managed to be humorous on at least two occasions (Sapta had practiced his jokes in front of VIS007). VIS007 was the perfect host, and it did everything in its power to make this one of the most memorable experiences for his master and his lady companion. At one point, when the lady dropped the kerchief, VIS007 picked it up for her.

When the lady left, Sapta was beaming with pleasure. He was quite positive about his prospects in future! He turned towards VIS007 to thank him, when to his surprise – the robot in question gave the widest of robotic grins that it had ever given.

“You look happy?!” Sapta enquired.

“Sir, I managed to bend down like a human to give the lady her kerchief!”

Sapta looked at the robot and gave a wry smile. It had developed a curve in the upper part of its body. His robot was now a hunchback.

***

Years later, roboticists would debate whether it was VIS007’s curiosity or vanity that gave rise to its consciousness.